John Travolta’s follicular phases have often been a subject of discussion, from the flowing tresses of his early days to the dreadlock wig he wore in the Scientology sci-fi movie Battlefield Earth to most recent experimentations with… how to put this… hair that perhaps did not come from inside of his head originally. There’s no shame in continuing to change up your look, and Travolta is to be commended for always keeping it fresh and interesting. Although between you, me, and the space aliens watching us dispassionately like a bad reality show, there may have been a couple of hair-dos that could have used some more doing. But all that is behind us now that the erstwhile Danny Zuko has debuted a newly shaved head. And reader, it looks good!
Travolta revealed his bald head to Instagram yesterday, in a selfie with a lack of focus that basically screams, “I’m a Dad! LOL help!”
Posing with a martini (well, an olive and an empty glass, like a philosophical question in martini form), Travolta actually cuts a dashing figure. Live your Bond villain truth, Johnny!
Though he gave no indication of from whence this transformation came, I have discovered the motivation and am prepared to exclusively reveal it here, today.
This is John Travolta’s last documented media appearance, on December 14, 2018:
His locks, like his love interest in Grease, are Sandy. He is standing in front of a sign that you can’t quite make out, but which I will exclusively reveal reads “Pitbull” as in the famously bald recording artist, Pitbull.
Travolta attended the Hand and Footprint Ceremony for the rapper at the TCL Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. While this may seem an odd pair to the layperson, my crack team of researchers, scientists, wigmakers, and oracles can exclusively reveal that John Travolta and Pitbull have recently become friends.
Pitbull provided the soundtrack for Travolta’s John Gotti biopic and the two apparently hit it off. Here’s Travolta making an appearance on stage before a Pitbull show in November 2017. That other man is not Pitbull, but he is bald. This will be entered into evidence.
Can you imagine buying a ticket to see Pitbull and John Travolta showing up for no apparent reason? If this experience has happened to you, please contact me immediately. I want to hear your story.
Here’s John Travolta and Pitbull on June 14, 2018 at the New York premiere of Gotti. Travolta’s hair appears to be much bigger here, but perhaps it’s just holding mafia secrets.
The next day, Travolta and Pitbull appeared on Good Morning America together, posing like Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye in White Christmas.
Can you imagine watching Good Morning America and Pitbull and John Travolta show up together for no apparent reason? If this experience has happened to you, please contact me immediately. I want to here your story.
In his speech at the TCL Chinese Theatre, Travolta call Pitbull, “one of the greatest entertainers of all time.” He continued, “I once told Armando that I wanted to be friends with him for the rest of my life and forever. Little did I know that we would be immortalized together at the Chinese theatre. Congratulations chico.”
I am now prepared to release my findings that Travolta’s friendtorship with Pitbull is the cause of his newly shorn head. Pitbull, despite his relatively average stature, possesses BDE, which in this case just stands for Bald Dude Energy. Travolta, drawn to that energy, realized that the only way he could truly be a follower and possessor of it was to shave his head. The transformation, which began over a year ago, is now complete. Whether Pitbull knows it or not, he and John Travolta, Bald Brothers, will be friends for the rest of their lives and also “forever.” All hail the Bald Energy!